What Is This Essay?
The most selective universities, colleges founded by a religious order, and technical or art schools all expect their students to demonstrate why they would like to attend that school. Notice, I write “demonstrate.” That is, you will need to prove to the university that they are a good match for you.
Every question is some variation of what one college poses bluntly: “Why us?” Inevitably, students have a terrible time answering this for a number of reasons, but it usually boils down to two factors: (1) they have not done the homework on the school; (2) they write about something else. The two are connected: it is because they have not done the homework that they write about themselves, their parents, their past accomplishments, their insecurities, their ideas about life in general—in short, about everything but what they are meant to address in this essay.
In principle, this is a very easy essay to write, but initially it throws ninety percent of the students I counsel for a loop. To be effective, it requires a great deal of research about the school in question. The essay demands introspection about what you want to study at that particular university—not just in general. In a broader sense, it also asks of you to think about how you imagine your time at that school impacting you career and your future role in the community. So, if you have not—or do not want to—do the homework to write this essay, which includes research and introspection, you may write something that, quite frankly, will get your application thrown on the reject pile.
I want to urge you to harness your fear and trembling of the admissions committee positively. The tendency is to do one or more of the following things to placate the readers of your application: flatter, pander, try to make them feel sorry for you, give them an inflated sense of your virtue, or distract them with other topics or other people’s accomplishments. Please avoid all of these. Just answer the question! The reality is, unless you have some truly exceptional accomplishments, there will be thousands of students that may be all more or less on par with you.
By showing the university you know very little about it, or don’t care enough to research it, you will likely end up on the rejection pile. Conversely, if you show them that you are a very good fit, you can edge out some of the competition, who are otherwise on par with you, and perhaps also more qualified applicants.
All things considered, with applicants who have similar test scores, grades, and comparable accomplishments, a university is going to accept the applicant who will be most likely to thrive at that school. It is very unlikely that somebody who knows nothing about a university—or only knows the minimum—is going to do much more than tread water when he or she arrives in the fall.
So, before I tell you what the essay should look like, here is what it is not. It’s helpful to see what doesn’t work first. However, beware, as you snigger at some of these examples, you will probably see characteristics of your own essays here! The word for essay in French is essaie, and in addition to a written composition, it also means “an attempt.” Think of your first efforts to write these on your own as attempts. Without proper guidance, and searching for random advice on the internet, they may look no better than these!
[For the sake of confidentiality, the following excerpts are not taken from actual student responses, but they are modeled on the recurrent mistakes I have seen over the years.]
Hyperbole
Hyperbole is the applicant’s misguided attempt to flatter the admissions committee into sending an acceptance letter.
“Columbia University presents the most outstanding academic resources imaginable with many of the world’s leading professors. The exquisite Morningside campus fills my heart with longing for success. Once I saw the elegant dome of the library, dappled with sun, I knew: Columbia is by far the most perfect university for me.”
“Princeton has created an infrastructure for its students to become successful, fulfilled, and happy adults. And, Princeton is renowned for its partnerships with distinguished employers in a myriad of fields. Everyone knows or has heard that employers like Princeton students. Princeton’s commitment to its students finding his/her individual passion is famous. Couple that commitment with the opportunities for employment and career exploration, making Princeton the ideal place for somebody like me who is ready to take his future seriously.”
Maybe you are chuckling. But if you aren’t, let me explain what is wrong with these. You may be saying to yourself, “But it’s true! I saw it on their website!” That is part of the problem. These are marketing statements, but whipped up into an almost meaningless froth at this point. The sample essays above are full of hyperbole—that is, exaggerated language—and, even if what they are saying is true in some measure, by virtue of being so over-the-top, they come off as insincere.
Notice, too, there are no specifics!
There are no specifics related to this student’s career, this student’s academic path, and this student’s extracurricular choices. Let me ask again, why is X University the perfect school for you? My guess is that the writer of the Princeton essay (#2) felt that he was covering all of his bases by referring to “infrastructure” (big, adult word), student wellbeing, partnerships with employers, and career opportunities. But at the end of the day, this could be copy on a brochure—and not a brochure for Princeton. More likely, you would see this paragraph advertising a third rate, for-profit school which is itself pandering to students.
Platitudes
Although most students reserve the treasure trove of their platitudes for the personal statement—or the essays focusing on diversity, community, or volunteer activities—platitudes often rear their ugly heads in the “Why this University?” essay.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines a platitude as “a flat, dull, or commonplace remark or statement, esp. one spoken or written with an air of importance or solemnity.”
Maybe you are bewildered and have no idea what I am talking about, but chances are the “solemnity” of the application process is inciting you to become platitudinous in spite of yourself. Does the following look familiar to you?
“I must confess that I’ve always believed college to be the beginning of my adult life, which I realize is also the greater part of my life. Even though I have spent my childhood studying at a rigorous school, I have always had this deep-rooted sentiment that college is where my future really was going to start for me. Therefore, I am very particular as to where I make that start, for it determines how my future will unfurl.”
This preamble sounds pompous, more befitting a (bad) biography of Julius Caesar than a high school senior’s retrospective. It’s what Boston College, in one of their essay prompts, cautions students to eschew: “You should be careful to avoid self-aggrandizing choices...” The lines attempt to sound very solemn and important, but in fact say nothing more than, “College is important to me, and I realize that it will have an effect on my future.” How is this ultimately mundane realization supposed to be impressive?
Digressions
Your Life Story, Somebody Else’s Story, Book Reports, Griping, and Trauma Capsules
When you are picturing your future, it is inevitable that you will think about your past. You will remember your life story, books you have read, gripes about your school, family, or community, and the traumatic events you have suffered (particularly if they are fresh on your mind). I have been impressed by what my students have survived: domestic violence, the sudden death of a parent, war, divorce, life-threatening disease, bullying at school, poverty, and discrimination. But this is not the place to elaborate on those, as pressing as they feel. You can address these factors in a constructive way in the personal statement. As far as this essay goes, however, you would do well to avoid these painful topics or mention them only as they relate to the school. Here is an example of a paragraph that digresses in a number of ways:
“Wellesley College has a century and a half dedicated to educating, inspiring, and supporting female students to pursue any career. Wellesley graduates include Madeleine Albright, the Secretary of State under President Clinton; Hillary Clinton, the New York Senator; the film director, Nora Ephron; Diane Sawyer, the news anchor. Secretary Albright’s story particularly inspires me. She immigrated to the US after WWII had ravaged her home country. Just over a year after becoming a US citizen, she began her studies at Wellesley. It is no doubt in part because of her empowering education at Wellesley that Albright became the first female secretary of state.”
The above does indeed give us a window into what matters to this applicant, and it also gives us a picture of some of the graduates from the university, particularly Albright. But it avoids doing what this essay is meant to do, which is to provide a clear picture of how the applicant sees herself at Wellesley. It does not fulfill the terms of the essay topic.
It’s also normal that a seventeen or eighteen year-old applicant is going to be heavily influenced by parents. I have seen many students continually make reference to a parent’s accomplishments, mistakes, or life story in the “Why Us?” essay. Here is an example:
“I want to work in engineering like my father. He came to the United States from Germany in the 1980s to study at Cal Tech. Although he knew little English, he was able to learn fluent English in six months time and was a triple major. Since then, he became the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, won three Olympic gold medals in two different sports, and was on the short list for a major national book award.”
Believe it or not, I have seen essays that wax poetic, like this one, about somebody else, while barely referencing the university in question.
Another mistake I have seen often is beginning this essay with a paragraph on a book or famous person that inspired you (most likely cut and pasted from another essay). That may be interesting, but it has no place here, and it is obvious to the reader that you are cutting and pasting to avoid a direct answer to the question.
Finally, there is griping.
“The country I live in is hierarchical and discriminating. If you don’t fit into the mold of what is considered desirable, you are subject to insults, exclusion, and lower pay. I have seen, for example, somebody who was educated at a famous university in England come back home and find himself unable to get work. On the other hand, somebody from a higher caste with less desirable qualifications will receive many job offers. I want to go to Vassar College because they are the opposite of this. Vassar is a place where people from any background can go and study. At Vassar, I would meet students from totally different cultural contexts, who are treated equally. I know that this kind of educational and social environment will help me in exactly the ways my community of origin failed me—and failed others.”
The “Why Us?” essay word limit is anywhere from 150-600 words with the average being about three hundred words. There is no room for complaints of this sort. If you feel like you would like to show how your new community contrasts with your old, save it for another essay and make sure to put a constructive spin on it. However, I would advise students to keep their focus on positive goals. Nobody likes a complainer—however legitimate your complaints are. I am not telling you to discount your own lived experience. However, there is a time and a place for everything; and this is simply not the place for griping.
The Exemplary “Why This School?” Essay
Like the personal statement, you will need to put this essay through several drafts. So, don’t expect to write it out the day before it is due. Once you have a working essay, you will be able to use it as a template for other schools. However, even these later essays will still require a great deal of research, drafting, and revision on your part. So, plan ahead!
The “Why Us?” essay needs to show two things to the admissions committee: that you have done your homework on the school; and that you have thought long and hard about your career and life goals. This essay should connect these two things together, showing the committee how you will get closer to your career goals at the school.
If the essay does not include a separate section for discussing your academic major, you will explain your choice of a specific academic major here. You will show your deep knowledge of the program and its uniqueness. For example, studying a major as common as “Economics” at the University of Chicago versus UC Berkeley is going to be very different. Studying English at Yale or UC Irvine will also be quite different. As a bright and informed student, you will know the difference and demonstrate your understanding of the particular slant of the department to which you are applying. You should refer to a particularly relevant course or courses (taught or supervised research classes) in which you plan to enroll to further your studies. Also, you may mention professors whose areas of research appeal to you, based on your past interests and new areas that you would like to explore. You could also point out research centers and internships only available at that school that will get you closer to your goal. Finally, you may discuss courses outside of your major that interest you at the school, and why.
It is not uncommon with schools like NYU—one example school here—for the student to praise the university’s diversity. However, it’s not enough to describe or wax poetic about diversity. Tell them which clubs or groups or activities at NYU will help you explore the diversity of people and ideas. If you want to study abroad for a semester or a year or a summer, mention the NYU programs that you would like to attend and why? Which countries? What will you study? How will it help you develop your career goals and develop you as a person?
Finally, you should discuss which extracurricular activities you will explore: like sports, special interest clubs, art, music, etc. Are there any clubs that are unique to NYU that you want to join? For example, the college chapter of Greenpeace or Amnesty International is not unique. You could go to any school and join those. Instead, explain what in the City of New York will help you to further develop those interests. For example, if you were a jazz aficionado, mention that you are dying to spend time at the Village Vanguard or Smalls in Greenwich Village.
Let’s start with a three hundred-word essay for a make-believe school: Posh University. The instructions read as follows: “What is it about Posh University that has led you to apply?” The word count limit is 300 words, which is on the high end of the average range of 200-300 words.
Just a couple years ago, when I defined “business,” I thought of the stock market and global corporations. My definition expanded when I became involved in social entrepreneurship through Up-Enders. I led a project to address educational inequity in Detroit and developed an application connecting volunteer tutors to students at under-resourced schools. I realized that business tools, developed by principled entrepreneurs, might fix problems faster than the most well intentioned government programs.
At Posh University, I will major in Ethics, Politics, and Economics. The program’s unique combination of moral philosophy, political science, and economic theory supports my goal of using business to make a social impact. The substantial moral philosophy requirement will ground my business education in social responsibility. I will take the Foundational Series seminar, “A Bridge Across the Income Divide:Business, Government, and Non-Profits”to begin to think about how to plan the courses in my major with the end goal of a career in business and public policy. Because I envision working for the World Bank, the International Monetary Fund, or the World Trade Organization, I will pursue the International Political Economy minor to learn the political aspects of business issues in different countries. I can further expand the knowledge I gain in the classroom through internships in D.C. Posh University’s partnership internships make it possible for me to gain practical experience at the Department of State, a nonprofit, NGO, or the World Bank.
I will deepen my knowledge of various kinds of loans to stimulate developing economies through Prof. Magnus’ “MicroLoans to Africa” research group at the Hope Economic Development Center. I plan to study abroad at Posh’s school year abroad program divided at the London School of Economics and Catholic University of Leuven, where I will learn about the EU, global finance, and public policy.
This essay begins with a piece of experience that defines the applicant’s priorities and the goals. It’s not necessary to a “Why Us?” essay, but in this case, it helps to explain why the student is interested in a very specific major. When choosing an interdisciplinary major, it is helpful to very briefly reference your academic preparation or pertinent life experience, as it is relevant to the major. It makes your choice more persuasive. When discussing a generic major, like “English,” discuss the particular resources of that department that are of interest to you: classes, research centers, or professors’ research.
The student in the above essay does a good job showing that he has researched his major and thought about how taking part in that program will help reach his goal. It’s important to state some sort of career or educational goal—even if it may very well change while you are at school. At this stage in your life, it is important to show that you are capable of imagining a vocation and thinking through the steps that will get you there. It is also essential to demonstrate that your experience has led you to form ideas, take ethical stances, or explore specialized areas of research. In this essay, you should show how the seeds of these experiences can start to grow into something more mature through the opportunities at the university.
Just think, what are the seeds that I am taking with me to school? How at this stage in my life can I grow them at this particular school.?
The last part of the essay can be used to discuss clubs you might join, sports you would like to participate in, school year abroad programs, symphonies you might join, or museums where you would like to volunteer. It really depends on what your interests are. It is of course much better if you can show a link between what you have already done in these areas and what you plan to do at the prospective school. For example, if you were in a high school orchestra, you might discuss joining a chamber orchestra or symphony at your university. However, you could also describe something totally new. Just try to draw some sort of bridge. For example, you may have always wanted to play polo, but never had the opportunity. Maybe, you played lacrosse or horseback rode. Make the connection between that past experience and your desire to play polo.
We shall move on to the longer essay. NYU’s 400-word maximum is a little longer than the word limit for most universities. However, there are even longer essays, such as Cornell’s 650-word limit.
We would like to know more about your interest in NYU. We are particularly interested in knowing what motivated you to apply to NYU and more specifically, why you have applied or expressed interest in a particular campus, school, college, program, and/or area of study? If you have applied to more than one, please tell us why you are interested in each of the campuses, schools, colleges, or programs to which you have applied. You may be focused or undecided, or simply open to the options within NYU's global network; regardless, we want to understand - Why NYU? (400 word maximum)
When I visited NYU this summer, I was thrilled to see a diverse community living and working together. I saw people from all over the world eating by international food trucks, playing the guitar in Washington Square, and discussing their classes outside Bobst Library. Once I could picture my daily life at NYU, I started my research. I discovered not only an undergraduate major in Educational Studies, but also over a dozen specialized programs. NYU’s extensive educational resources will enable me to achieve my goal of becoming a teacher for children from two through seven years of age, who have mental and physical disabilities.
My career goal has come out of my volunteer work the last five years with special needs students through the Careers in Teaching program. Only a well-prepared and educated teacher can empower special needs students to become self-driven and autonomous. As a primary school teacher with the right tools, I stand a chance of helping those children become self-sufficient and fulfilled adults.
I am applying for a dual major in Early Childhood Education and Early Childhood Special Education at the NYU Steinhardt School because of the curriculum, which prepares teachers to understand developmental psychology as well as specialized pedagogy in literature, science, and math. The programs offer courses, such as “Principles & Strategies for Teaching Students with High Incidence Disabilities,” focusing on a variety of disabilities, such as autism, ADHD, and dyslexia. I particularly relish the intensive fieldwork of the program with four modules of “Student Teaching in Early Childhood Education” at local schools. Having many students with different disabilities, rather than just one or two isolated cases, in a culturally diverse classroom will provide the most challenging and rewarding practical experience.
In addition to my studies in Education, I have many extracurricular ambitions. I will continue to report for a newspaper, as I did in high school. Writing for the Washington Square News, I will raise awareness about learning disabilities. I will write about Autism and Down Syndrome, offering facts and background knowledge to promote an understanding of the behaviors that often cause alarm and fear. I will also audition for one of the many jazz ensembles organized at NYU, and would especially like to play saxophone for the Ralph Lalama Ensemble.
Some students think that you have to begin with an explanation of how you became interested in the school, starting with a virtual tour, a campus visit, a report from a friend who is a student there, or some other experience. That’s not true. In this case, however, it does help to give a frank description of how this student began to envision herself there. Then she found that the academic programs were also great matches for her. It is sincere without being hyperbolic. Eschew words like “perfect,” “the best,” or “amazing,” because it comes off as pandering. But do be honest in an understated way. Sincerity shows through.
Although this essay is not particularly an example of literary elegance, it covers all the bases. It does so in a way that shows the student has (1) done the homework on the school; (2) thought about her past experience and connected it to what she wants to study; and (3) has a clear idea of what she wants to do with her education. Again, while this third point may change while you are at university, one very important characteristic of a successful student is somebody who is able articulate a goal and then plan out the steps to get there. It’s also about being able to always see beyond the horizon at a career. However, I can tell you from experience, easily three quarters of students are unwilling to even do the first step: research the school in depth and find out if it is a good match for them.
This essay is not just an opportunity for a school to get to know you. It’s a helpful exercise to see if it is the right fit for you. Students who take this essay seriously will weed out schools during the application process. Think of what you are sparing yourself by doing the homework now: potentially four years at a school that does not offer what you need to get to the next phase of your life.